When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
