My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
