Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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