They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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