Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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