so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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