I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Your penis caused this!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
