i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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