It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i think i just lost a toe
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize