garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
