I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
