He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
