What did we do last night that was yellow?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
