That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Randomize
