She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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