The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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