We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
