Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
