oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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