she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
