lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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