dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize