Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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