I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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