smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Randomize
