I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
