Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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