It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't deserve a penis
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
