Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
