I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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