Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
