there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
