What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
