I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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