I have demons in me.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
