we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
