I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
