Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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