Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
