If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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