My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
