somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize