Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
