He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
