there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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