The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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