i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
