Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
