I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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