dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
