the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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