I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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