All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
