I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize