i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
