Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
