You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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