I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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