she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
