Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
