new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
