I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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