I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
pop tarts are not kleenex
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
