Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
