Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize