i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
found the other keg... it's in the tree
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
