I hate your face
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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