I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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