The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
