Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
