we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
