Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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