One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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