yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
