Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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