the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
