The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
