And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
