C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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