its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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